I’ve been out of touch with my sister for a few years, even though we live in the same town. There was a big fight, a lot of history, and… yeah.
Lately, my sister has been reaching out to our mom, who lives basically next door to me. This is good, but…
I know my sister is deeply hurt that she’s missing out on my kids’ lives. But… I don’t owe access to my kids to anyone. Not my sister, not my mom, not even their dad.
I owe my kids the best, most stable, most loving and enriching upbringing I can give them.
Part of giving my kids a stable and loving upbringing means that I have to take care of myself, so I can take care of them. You know, it’s the classic airplane instruction — put your own oxygen mask on first.
This means I fight to have space for my writing, because I NEED it.
If I don’t write fiction… well, that’s not a thing. If there isn’t room for it, flash fictions (kinda violent, murdery ones) start leaking out of my fingers.
It’s better for everyone—kids included—if I have enough space to work on Otters In Space 4 or some other novel instead.
Though, some of the violent, murdery flash fictions have turned out quite interesting and been published.
For example, I wrote “Take Them to the Happiness Zoo” after being left alone, single-parenting for a week while my spouse was at a conference.
The point is… if my sister wants to patch up our relationship, it’s going to involve not just figuring out how to move on from our problems with each other… but her accepting that everything she’s missed out on in my kids’ lives falls on her. Not me.
Raising kids is hard enough. And doing so has forced me to get a lot better about pushing people out of my life when they don’t treat me well. I can’t afford to be around people who make me hate myself. And maybe that should have been true all along.
But when I was just taking care of myself, it was a whole lot easier to make compromises and accept trade offs where I felt bad about myself and was treated poorly… but got to keep people like my sister, dad, and various friends in my life. Even when they were hurting me.
Anyway, this all just amounts to rambling about how I’m happier and healthier overall without those friends and family members in my life. But I still miss them. Just because someone hurts you and makes you feel bad… you can still like them and miss them when they’re gone.