Author: marylowd

A friend of mine once had a sick cat losing her fur. The cat played with laser pointers & had an enclosed patio for bird watching. The vet concluded it was anxiety caused by never catching anything she chased, & she needed more physical toys.

Writing feels like this sometimes. Continue reading “Jumping at Shadows and Lights”

I’ve been sharing a lot of quotes on social media from “Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft, because it seems like an important book. However, it’s not an easy book to read (I mean, the prose is very readable… but it dredges up a lot), so I read it as fast as I could, so I could be done reading it sooner. Continue reading “Lundy Bancroft’s Book”

Based on how people react to me — and have done so for my entire life — I seem to have big “I’m gonna flip this table!” energy.

I have literally never flipped a table. But at some point, I can’t be expected to completely and utterly obscure my desire to go around flipping them. Continue reading “Flip the Table”

Giles to Buffy, regarding Dawn after their mother dies: “You’re her only real family now.”

Really???? That seems like a CHOICE he’s making.

Giles could choose to be their family. But no, he lets it be Buffy’s responsibility to care for Dawn all alone. Continue reading “Rewatching Buffy Season Five”

When I spend time around furries, I don’t feel wrong for the way my face moves or my desire to carry around a small stuffed toy or how much work it is to control the tone of my voice or all the other weird quirks that make me feel wrong and broken by the rest of the world.

I hear the refrain that “furry is welcoming” a lot, and I also say it. But I don’t think people pay a lot of attention to what that really means. It’s not some vague, positive feeling. It’s a really active way that furries listen to people even if they’re odd and present weirdly. Continue reading “The Warmth of Furry”

I dreamed about a writing convention where all the panels — both panelists and audience — were on water slides. It was a terrible idea even in a dream, but I did appreciate the ambitiously otterly nature of the attempt.

I’m trying to get up the courage to quit an email list I’ve been on for a decade… it’s mostly atrophied & I can’t remember the last time it did anything but make me unhappy.

But it’s hard, because I know it’s a one way trip, and it hurts to let go of the times when it was good. Continue reading “Email Lists”

When I was in 4th grade, I wouldn’t play jump rope with a girl named Jessica. So Jessica complained about me, and I got called in to see the school counselor.

Because I didn’t want to play jump rope.

All my life people have told me I’m wrong for being who I am. Continue reading “Being Forced to Play Jump Rope”

I wrote the following thread a while ago & have hesitated to post it. But I recently watched the last season of Atypical & really identified with how Sam used his love of Antarctica & desire to travel there to motivate himself to do things that would otherwise have been too hard.

I know Atypical is not a widely loved show, but I really enjoyed it. And a lot of Sam’s behaviors—especially his fixation on penguins & everything related to them—really spoke to me. Continue reading “The Fame Carrot”

That feeling when you realize the email you’re writing isn’t working because the paragraphs you keep poking at never really were an email… they’re an attempt to cast a magical spell on the universe. And for this particular spell, a few paragraphs simply isn’t powerful enough.