Years ago, I was in a World of Warcraft guild, & right as we beat a big raid boss, one of the paladins said, “I hope it drops paladin gear!”
Everyone jumped on him, like he’d broken a taboo.
We were all hoping for new gear but, apparently, weren’t supposed to speak that truth.
I think about this incident a lot, maybe especially around awards season when some writers are getting nods and wins that others desperately want.
It’s okay to want things.
It’s hard when someone else gets something you want, and you don’t.
It’s weird to me that social rules tell us to pretend that we’re just as happy for someone else to get something as we’d be to get it ourselves. I mean, sure, there are cases where that’s true…
But it’s a weird extra strain to pretend it’s true when it’s not.
It’s possible to be happy for someone else’s accomplishments while still being disappointed for yourself.
In fact, I’ve found it’s easier to be genuinely happy for others if I hold a space for myself to experience my own disappointment and jealousy before rising over them.
When friends have won accolades I had wished for, I let myself feel the disappointment. That’s my feeling, and it’s real.
But it doesn’t stop me from being happy for and enthusiastically congratulating others.
Let the feelings be separate, and they can coexist.
But if you try to shove your own disappointment down, pretending to not even feel it…
Disappointment can consume your happiness for others’ happiness, twisting it into bitterness. And that helps no one.