I’m trying to get up the courage to quit an email list I’ve been on for a decade… it’s mostly atrophied & I can’t remember the last time it did anything but make me unhappy.
But it’s hard, because I know it’s a one way trip, and it hurts to let go of the times when it was good.
Tone-policing doesn’t always look like telling someone you don’t like their tone. It can also look like giving “helpful” but unwanted advice about how you think they could comport themselves differently.
It’s not always a slap on the wrist; sometimes it masquerades as help.
That mixed feeling when a place where you’ve felt unsafe finally gets a moderator… and that moderator blames you for the necessity, not the people who were making you feel unsafe.