by Mary E. Lowd
Both better
And not good enough
That’s how he makes me feel
When I came to his house
A place filled with noise
The bustle and buzz of a family
Not my family
But a family
His family
A replacement for me, my sister
And our mom
Who everyone pretends is gone
I was treated like an honored guest
In his home
Not my home
Just my father’s
So why should it be mine?
Why should I think anything of his
Would ever be mine?
(Even him)
I wasn’t sad when they got divorced
I saw it coming
And celebrated the end of fighting
I never mourned the lack
Of what I never had
But even so
There are things I never had
And one of them is being more than a guest
Being wanted enough
To be enough
That he didn’t replace me
With a masquerade of faux-family
That’s both better
And not enough