Time for a new religion — the Church of the Holy Unborn believes abortion is the highest sacrament & only the mother can tell if her baby has been called for it
Home Ownership for Pigs and Spiders
Excellent. In addition to ants sneaking through the window, a spider set up camp under the sink to catch them. A whole ecosystem. Yay.
The lesson my nine-year-old took from The Three Little Pigs: “Boy, I’m glad we don’t have to build our own houses. That would be a lot of work.”
Secondary lesson: “Never trust walking or talking bushes.”
Badge of… Honor?
After thirteen years and more than a thousand rejections, my story rejections have graduated from their manila envelopes to a drawer in a filing cabinet:
Tidbits of Children Being Adorable
The three-year-old to the nine-year-old: “It’s time to dress up! You will be the otter, and I will be the dancing guy!”
The three-year-old has dressed up as Peter-Man — apparently a cross between Spider Man and Peter Pan. Continue reading “Tidbits of Children Being Adorable”
Very Different Kinds of Impediments
It’s really hard to accomplish anything when all these dogs keep shoving their faces between me and my computer, mashing the keyboard and nosing the screen.
Sexism and racism seemed like such wild, out there, sci-fi ideas when I was a sheltered little kid watching Star Trek.
Hardware Store
Wandering through a hardware store, having everything mansplained to me by my three-year-old who knows nothing.
Playing Star Trek and Ghostbusters
The three-year-old: “I want to talk about something–” He spreads his hands dramatically. “They have BORGS in Star Trek.”
The three-year-old seems to have created a Star Trek/Ghostbusters mash-up in his head where he’s fighting Borg and ghosts. Continue reading “Playing Star Trek and Ghostbusters”
Christmas Early
The three-year-old who pronounces ‘Christmas’ like ‘breakfast’ is trying to carol: “Merry breakfast, merry breakfast wherever you are!”
We’re starting Christmas in my house early this year. We need it.
The tree is up. The kids are under it. Garlands EVERYWHERE.
Pearl
My grandmother spent the last week of her life trapped in a nightmare. This morning I closed her eyes.
Kermit, Christmas, and Breakfast
Bonding with my three-year-old over how Kermit is our favorite muppet.
‘Christmas’ sounds like ‘breakfast’ when my three-year-old says it. Thus: “We can have the breakfast tree and put breakfast lights on it!”