by Mary E. Lowd
A Deep Sky Anchor Original
I.
I see broken pieces of you
Shards
Sharp and catching
All around in the world
The way a turn of phrase
Twists in a singer’s voice
The smirk on an actor’s face
The moment when a character
In a long running TV show
Surprises everyone
(Everyone but me)
With his sudden
Surprising
(To everyone but me)
Casually careless cruelty
And I feel vindicated
And I say
That’s him
That’s what I mean
That’s why I was scared
And yet
The shards are embedded
Safely ensconced
In the swaddling walls of a TV
Trapped inside a radio
Where they can’t hurt me
And so
(I hate to admit it)
I like them
(Because I miss you)
And I hate you
But it’s better when you exist this way
A cloud of traits
Dispersed in the world
And I hope
I never see
The real you
Again
II.
Will this poem hurt you?
Will you read it?
Why does it bother me that I don’t know?
You decided
(And I decided)
A long time ago
It’s possible to be both
Better than
And not as good
At once
And you replaced me
(With a new family)
And I built a family of my own
You’re not in it
But the shape of you
Where you would have been…
I can’t cut a cutout
Out of my life