Losing RvW

I’ve turned away family and fans over the years for not supporting my right to bodily autonomy. I don’t think I’ve turned away any friends… because honestly, I just won’t be friends with people who aren’t pro-choice.

This was my personal line in the sand, and my body doesn’t know how to contain the knowledge that Roe will be overturned. I may have known it was coming, and there may be so many other bad things… but I didn’t how know much I didn’t, couldn’t believe in reaching this.

It feels like my own organs are trying to force this knowledge out of my body. My stomach is so tense and leaping so hard, it feels like it’s trying to escape my body and ride off to war.

But my stomach can’t change this.

Having a body that’s physically designed to betray you by picking up unwanted parasites is bad enough.

Knowing that so much of the world — and so many people with too much power — would side with the parasite is infinitely painful.

I am worth more than a lump of cells.

My feelings, my ideas, my experiences, my books — the ones I’ve written and the ones I haven’t written yet — are worth so much more than any mere lump of unwanted cells.

Every grown person is worth more than a lump of cells attacking them.

When I have to spend a day feeling rage-fatigue about the world & how Republicans are trying to strip away my basic rights, it makes it much harder to write happy stories about a tabby cat visiting a far away space station with her crew of dogs, mice, octopi, & best friend otter.

You know how when you stare at one color for too long, your eyes run out of the pigment for seeing it? I think it’s called color fatigue.

And I think I have it, but with rage. My body has felt so much rage that it’s run out of the pigment to reliably produce that emotion.

World-burning aside, this week there’s a new Seanan McGuire book, new Reina del Cid album, and new season of Grace & Frankie that have all come out, all of which I’ve been fiercely anticipating. So, I’m just gonna bury myself in those for a while and revel in their wonderfulness.

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