My dad is an emotionally abusive jerk. My mom spent twenty years sublimating her own needs to protect me and my sister from him.
From this, my sister seems to have learned that mothers should be self-sacrificing saints with no needs or feelings of their own.
I have kids now… you do the math.
It’s really hard to value yourself when you grow up with a parent who doesn’t value you, except maybe as a possession, and a sibling who treats you like a limitless, expendable resource.
It was so eye-opening for me when I realized that if I needed someone to watch my kids for half an hour, I’d trust a random person off the street more than my dad.
And it was eye-opening yet again when I realized that a random person would treat me better than I’m treated by my sister.