I’ve been sharing a lot of quotes on social media from “Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft, because it seems like an important book. However, it’s not an easy book to read (I mean, the prose is very readable… but it dredges up a lot), so I read it as fast as I could, so I could be done reading it sooner.
The information in this book seems really important.
The world will be a better place when more people know how to recognize abuse and refuse to tolerate it.
“The term abuse is about power; it means that a person is taking advantage of a power imbalance to exploit or control someone else.”
— Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
I’ve had a lot of people try to convince me that straightforwardly expressing my feelings — especially anger — means I’m abusive. But it has never been about a situation where I was in power. (Often it’s done to me by people with power over me.)
I grew up with an abusive dad, and it gave me an almost allergic inability to tolerate abuse when I see it. I saw how he treated those of us he had power over, and came out the other side with an almost excruciating carefulness with any power I ever hold over others.
Power is a form of responsibility. Not just great power. All power.
I feel totally useless right now, like I can’t even imagine having enough energy to do anything.
Then I remember I spent the last two days reading a book about domestic abuse and the last four days writing a story about a dragon wearing a human mask as a metaphor for autism…
So, yeah, there’s a reason I’m exhausted. And maybe lying in bed reading a fantasy novel is more than ambitious enough for today.
Anyway, I’m done reading the book. And thus done posting quotes from it.
My posting can go back to the regularly scheduled otters and spaceships and rants about the importance of furry fiction.