I’ve always written fiction because there were books I wanted to read that didn’t exist. So I had to make them.
However, I very, very rarely reread books. So, I was basically denied the experience of reading those books in the way I would’ve wanted.
With music though…
I listen to albums I love over and over again on repeat. Just looping through them until every piece of their shape feels safe and familiar in my mind.
So, finally being able to create albums as well as books, I’ve now unlocked a different way of interacting with art I make…
When I create a music album, I get to listen to it over and over again, just like I would if it had been made by someone else.
I get to be both the creator and the listener. And it’s just such a strange feeling. It alters how I think about what pieces are worth making…
With a book, at some level, I have to feel like someone out there might need my book too. That it might reach someone, like me, who needs it.
But with music… I’m the complete circuit. I’m the one who needs it, and if no one else ever does… well, that doesn’t change anything.
The funny thing is, if I were trapped in some kind of isolating apocalyptic time bubble, I would still write. I’ve always been sure of that. But… I’m not sure -what- I would write in that situation.
This is the world I live in, and it’s the world I write for.
I was always trying to communicate through my writing — to reach out to a world I don’t know how to interact with very well.
But the music… it’s just what I want to hear. And when I try to think about myself as a music creator… it just doesn’t really matter.
Creating music isn’t part of my identity. I don’t know if it ever really will be. But if I can make Claude/Suno give me space opera surf rock albums… well, that’s just something I need to hear, and then I need to hear more, and another album, and another… forever.
I think this loss of ego is a big part of why so many people struggle with the idea of AI creating things like fiction, art, and music.
But protecting, even sheltering, our egos is rarely the best path to growth.